I live in a small complex  made up of 5 apartments in Los Angeles. Well, the valley. Yes, I am a valley girl and damn proud of it.  Young working actors, makeup artists, a filmmaker, a social worker and I have no idea what the nice dude who lives below me does….but he is quiet and that’s all I really care about. He probably would not say the same for me. Take that as you will. Winky emoticon.
At 6 am bright and early tons of little birds come flocking to my window into this tree right by my bedside. So do these very very aggressive and noisy squirrels. Not because I am Snow White….because some mystery bandito keeps FEEDING them.
I swept up the birdseed and peanuts a few times already, we have asked him very politely to stop feeding the animals because rats, raccoons and possums also live back there, along with our vehicles that we have to get into and out of often.  The last thing I need is a racoon bite on my leg with no health insurance.
Mr. Mystery Bandito Animal Feeder IGNORED us.  Mind you, he lives in the adjacent building and responded a such, “the people in my building didn’t like the birds pooping on their cars so I figured you guys wouldn’t mind if I fed them here.”
That was around the time he was dumping loaves of Italian bread in our yard and on the garage roof.
MISTER…Oldness is not an excuse for being a jerk!!!
So I once again set off to ask him NICELY not to do this. I wrote a sign and put it against the feeding grounds. 

Today- there was about 5 lbs of bird seed and enough peanuts to feed a pack of Asian elephants out there. Right under my sign.
THIS IS WAR MR. MYSTERY BANDITO ANIMAL FEEDER.
(He’s not so mysterious by the way…hes about 83 years old, basically bald and kinda frail.)
The noise is one thing…especially so early but the real problemo is that when I moved in there was some large dead animal in my heating duct that was decomposing. The exterminators could not get it out. YEAH- so I had to live with it til it decomposed fully.  The smell was delicious, especially when I brought home my date (now my boyfriend) for the first time.  Try explaining that and not feeling like a weirdo.
Anyway…I will keep y’all posted on my war with the neighbor.

I need a job. Bad.