I love the dog park. I have an obsession with the dog park. It’s my safe place. I go there to be one with the universe, even thought it’s distracting because it stinks like dookie.
I probably go more for me than my dogs but they do really love it there as well.
At least I think so.
Regardless…every single time I go, there is some jerkwad who opens their big mouth, sometimes more than one jerkwad.
My dogs are Pekingese, and ancient breed of Chinese dog that is sort of rare around these parts. They have very long beautiful hair that has taken me years to grow. I mean, them years to grow.
My dogs are beautiful, especially the female….she is so darn pretty it hurts my heart to look at her sometimes.
It never fails that each and every time we go to the park that some douche has to blurt out that they look like “wigs”, or “hairballs”, or “rugs”, or “walking pieces of furniture”- whatever that means.

They ask me things like “why don’t you give them a haircut?”
or my personal favorite…..the real assholes decide to talk to the boy and say….
“you need a set of braces little dog.”

At that point I want to kick them in the balls/vagina and let Jake lift his leg all over their face.
In my own sicko world he would whizz on their heads and exclaim “get yourself on a treadmill fatso and I’ll run to the orthodontist.”

I don’t cut them into a lion cut or buzz their hair short because that would then ruin the integrity of the breed. Plus, I’m not a lazy cheapskate so I pay to groom them and brush their hair often so I don’t need to shave an idiotic mohawk into my dog’s heads.
People in LA think that’s cool for some reason. It’s not. It’s lame.

Anyway…..It’s mean to say things about people’s dogs.
I wouldn’t tell you that your kids eyes are too close together would I?
Or suggest that you not feed her/him carbs anymore.
If we were waiting in line at the supermarket I wouldn’t yell out that your wife can carry the milk in her saddlebags now would I?
I wouldn’t just blurt out that your husband looks like he has a thyroid problem.
I also wouldn’t ask why you didn’t encourage him to just shave his head instead of opting for the heinous plugs instead.

So jerk wads at the park….stop insulting my dogs.

Or we are all gunna pee on your head.