This is not Bob.

As a stylist I have a side gig where I do something called “Closet Consults” at peoples homes. I live in Los Angeles so many of my clients are unknown actors/actresses that are trying to brand themselves or hone their look. I help them find any look….basically make them more current. I also make them throw out all the terrible, terrible things that exist in their closet they thought were cool five years ago in Middleofnowheresville.
I never have any idea of what I am in for when I step through the door. Sometimes its a fairly good situation when I pass through the messy bedroom to the closet. Sometimes its a total disaster and I have no idea how the hell I can even help this person. Thankfully….my expertise has helped me to take the worst of the worst and make it work- as Mr Gunn would say.

So recently I visited this lovely young client for the first time, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah needed help with her hair, makeup and clothing.

She was a plain jane of sorts with a very simple but very pretty face and an outstanding body hiding under her dowdy corduroy skirt.

At first we chatted on her couch about makeup..and I recommended some good colors and products for her that she went and purchased immediately after our session and thankfully loved. Then about her hair, which needed a serious Va Va Voom bombshell boost. It was boring brown and shoulder length. It made zero statement. Just there, so boring. I suggested she but it a bit shorter and layer it up and go darker with the color. again, she did and its amazing.

The important part comes next….the closet visit. For about two hours we dragged every item worthy of daylight out of her closet as her cat Bob laid in my path. He hated every second. I put together outfits on the floor including jewelry and shoes and made Sarah take photos so she could replicate them when her personal stylist was not at home with her as she gets ready.

Now my challenge with Sarah: she said a few people told her she needed to lose weight. Her tummy needed to be trimmed. A doctor and an acting teacher told her to get rid of her pooch so to speak. The problem: almost everything in her closet was tight fitting. By the way, this supposed “pooch” wasn’t bad at all but she was  pretty self conscious about it.
I toiled and trudged through every item to try and make stuff work to hide her belly…..but quickly realized that wasn’t my mission. I wasn’t there to make her feel like she needed to HIDE her flaws. I was there to empower her. I was called upon by the style gods to make her flaunt her better assets, not enable her insecurities. I decided to focus on her ammmmmazing supermodel legs and her 22″ waist. By the end of the consult she had 15 outfits focusing on her gams and her Grace Kelly midsection ready to roam the streets of La La Land.

Teaching this pretty Plain Jane…who isn’t so plain any longer….I learned a great lesson myself. My expertise is never to make anyone feel bad…although its not in my nature so I don’t think I ever have done so- at least not on purpose, my mission is and will always be to make women feel better about themselves in their clothes.
Sure, I will poke fun of you if you still have a pair of wedge heeled sneakers in your closet but if that’s the case you totally deserve it. But, Sarah was made to feel bad about herself and instead of retreating she went above and beyond to better herself. She hired a stylist, she changed her hair completely, she has been working out like crazy. She took the criticism with true grace and tried to better herself all around. I am thankful that my session with Sarah taught me something about my own work. I am also thankful I was able to help her realize how to use her best assets.

Okay Miss Longwinded……Point of the story is…..when someone says something negative about your body …..tell them to F- Off and hire a stylist.

And with that I am signing off….and eating an ice cream Bon Bon from Trader Joe’s.

OKAY::: ADDENDUM here. One of my best friends brought to my attention how the wedge sneaker is HUGE for fall. (which I am aware of) The hiking boot with a stilleto is also apprently being sold again. NEITHER of which I support anyone wearing. I don’t really care how many runways they are on for NY Fashion Week.  I personally hate them. 1999-JLo maybe. But….to each his own.