Last night my beau and I went to see Scott Pilgrim Vs, The World….
I must say this movie was terrifically awesome.  Although the fighting got a bit much at the end and just when you thought there was more to come it thankfully came to a peaceful state.  It was creative, inventive, interesting and totally encompassed teenage want that can easily be related to adult relationships.
My beau actually saw the movie for the real message……how can we get over the past when we start a new courtship?

Battle our one true love’s exes??? With light sabers and comic book Kung Fu?  Wouldn’t it be amazing if it was just that easy?  Instead we have to wait for the demons of the past to come up randomly and haunt our new found blissful state. Usually at the most inopportune moments.

For instance a month and a half in….a lovely breakfast at the local cafe after a night of drinking, dancing, and the horizontal mambo. Pure heaven:  Throw on a hat, ripped jeans a rocker t-shirt, makeup still on from last night and my hair isn’t even brushed. Why bother? Love is blind isn’t it?
All is well with the world as you exit the car holding hands skipping down the street with your new love until you unfortunately see a familiar scalp from behind sitting at the very cafe you are headed for.  Not even technically an “ex” so to speak but a recent crash and burn of a dating escapade that truly sunk like the Titanic, except much much faster.
Regardless, what to do? I reacted exactly as Ramona Flowers (Scott’s love interest upon which the entire movie is based) I had…tried to stay cool. Try to ignore the fact. But like the idiot that I am I made some very shocked, quiet, bizarre noise with my throat when I saw the back of that scalp.
New adorable, wonderful, angelic, sweet, loving beau heard it and naturally asked what was wrong.
DAGNABIT..why didn’t my throat just shut up! I could’ve avoided the awkward moment and conversation that followed altogether.  This person was so inconsequential also! Argh….now, not so much.

How do we avoid the past when it gets thrown in your face so often?  Not once had I run into scalp man as a single woman since the plunge into icy waters. Of course now he’s at every location my cherub and I decide to waltz through.  Fate, what are you trying to teach me damnit?

I guess we have to fight the exes and the past with words; sensitive, loving conversations. The likes of which this gal detests.  Instead of ninja stars and light sabers we have to use delicate discussions and specifically chosen vocabulary so as not to insult the other.
Much less violent.
Unless you have had the lovely experience of having a motorcycle helmet flung at your cranium by an ex’s ex . Yes, I have.  I almost would rather have to duck protective gear for the rest of my life than have those coarse moments explaining who someone is.

  I always get the “moral of my stories” wrong….so choose it as you will. But seriously….I kinda wanna live in a world where my one true love actually has to fight my 7 evil exes to prove his love for me. (FYI- cherub totally would)
It would really make it so cut and dry. Easy peasy. If you have the drive and ambition to push through that kind of physical pummeling then you really truly want to be with me, forever. As opposed to going MIA 6 months in because some 21 year old caught your eye at the water cooler.  I digress.
Point is…..waging a crusade against all exes in the first few weeks of a relationship would totally avoid a whole lot of drama.

note: spell check insisted I write “exes”- which I thought looked weird.